833. The Rapture (1991)

Running Time: 100 minutes
Directed By: Michael Tolkin
Written By: Michael Tolkin
Main Cast: Mimi Rogers, David Duchovny, Kimberly Cullum, Darwyn Carson, Patrick Bauchau
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STUDYIN' ABOUT THAT GOOD OL' DAY

Man, I REALLY didn't want to get into a whole religious discussion, but this movie really gives me no other alternative. Pardon me if I step gingerly around the subject at hand and give generic opinions to the real bullet points of "The Rapture".

The film stars Mimi Rogers as Sharon, a swinging, single, telephone operator who is growing fed up of her boring, listless existence. Together with the extremely sleazy Vic (Bauchau), she goes to clubs and hot spots, in search of foursomes, where she and Vic pretend to be a couple and swap partners. One night, she meets Randy (Duchovny), who's sporting a wicked mullet, which may be why she kind of falls for him. Putting Randy on the back burner, we continue to watch Sharon's downward spiral and her turn toward Christianity, which comes when a couple of door to door religious apostles come knocking to tell her about the good word. After giving it some thought, she decides to ditch Vic, marry Randy and turn her life around, giving the bulk of her love to God and Jesus Christ. However, when Randy is murdered during a shooting at his workplace (via a disgruntled ex employee), Sharon begins to get visions that she's to meet God in the desert and await her ascent up to heaven, via the rapture. Sharon and her little girl Mary (Cullum) spend upwards of two weeks without food or any sort of appropriate shelter, in the desert, awaiting God, but he stands them up. When Mary begins begging to just die so that she can go reunite with her daddy, Sharon begins to consider this option.

Oy vey, where to begin, where to begin....How about I begin by telling you what a pile of crap this movie was? Yes, that's that ticket! I don't know if this was ever in theaters, but if it was, Tolkin should've been ashamed to present this epic mess on the big screen. What it DID resemble was one of those straight to video pieces of garbage, that used B-list actors and some harmless sexual situations to lure potential renters at the local Blockbuster. Apparently, what we have here is a director with a statement to make and therefore I'm forced to sit through a terribly boring plot and bad acting for 100 minutes of my life.

SPOILER ALERT!

Look, I believe in God and Jesus Christ, but do I show up for church every Sunday morning? No. Do I pray over my pizza before woofing it down? No. Do I try to convert total strangers to believe what I believe and they too can be saved? No. I hate Bible banger people, who know no other lifestyle than to force their faith down your throat. I don't want to hear it, keep it to yourself; I'll do what I do, you do what you do. Therefore, I hated watching Mimi Rogers portray this holly roller, just the type of person that is so proud of their religion that they too must be committing sin just by being THAT up front about it. Then, toward the end, the Sharon character kills her daughter and turns her back on God, because so many bad things happened to her. And I'm supposed to be all "Yeah, you tell him Sharon, he totally messed up your life!"? Is that SUPPOSED to be my reaction? Yeah, God messed up this characters life, it couldn't have been the idiocy of the character - no, never....

Wow. I didn't mean to be THAT forceful with my thoughts. Look, I just didn't like it and that's that. I gave a few reasons and if you don't agree with my thoughts, just chill - because I know religion is a hot button issue and it's a hard thing to agree on. Chalk my dislike up to the cheap movie making and forget my religious disliking of it.

RATING: 3/10  Ummm a '1' and '2' seem too low, so that's my justification for a '3'. I suppose there are a few moments where time doesn't drag as much as others, but let's just suffice it to say that it's a bad movie.

MOVIES WATCHED: 766
MOVIES LEFT TO WATCH: 235

November 21, 2013  5:42pm